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  12.06.00 Parents need to strike a balance between being a parent and being a
person. Maybe achieve a mix is a better way to put it. Of course,
being a parent and a person with an identity can't be separated. But
all of those parts need cultivation--you play many roles in life, and
understanding that you can have some control over how well you fill
those roles can bring more satisfaction to your life.
Thank You for reading. This issue of ParentingDay focuses on some of the relationships you
participate in, that are affected by your life as a parent. I hope
you'll be able to take away some tools to help you feel like you can
get the most out of these other relationships, which also make you
who you are.I'd really love to hear from parents out there with articles about raising healthy, active kids. Send your 300-500 word articles to me. Sincerely, Betsy Boyd Editor, ParentingDay 
You probably look to your parents as a great source of knowledge for
general parenting advice, and for some lucky folks, as in-a-pinch
child care for when you need to catch up. But your parents have lots
to offer in knowledge to your children, too. Tapping into their
creative resources can help strengthen their relationship with your
kids, and with you.
If your father is great at golf, ask him to teach your kids how to
putt. Maybe his chili recipe is the best, so he can teach it to your
son. Is your mother a poet? Maybe she'd be interested in helping your
children learn more about that. Learning specific skills together
helps the teacher feel needed and respected, and helps develop a
sense of accomplishment in your kids. For a story of how one family
worked with this concept, click the link below:What Grandma Knows 
I know, you probably think there's not time in your life to maintain friendships outside your play groups. But what about the friends you have who don't have kids? Or the friends you need to keep in touch with across country, who want to know what is happening with YOU, as well as what is happening with your kids?  There are realistic obstacles: your schedules as parents often wrap
around the schedules of your children, and making time for friends
in addition to that can seem like a Herculean effort. Here's a
crucial tip that may just save the relationship: make the plans
yourself.
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Get over your sense of injustice that on top of everything else, you
have to be the planner. It may be one of life's little ironies, but
the busier you are, the more likely it is that you'll be unable to do
ANYTHING someone invites you to do. So take the reins in your hands.
 Pick an event that you want to attend, friends or not, then get a
sitter, and call up your friends. That way you'll have child care
already taken care of, (excuse number one, gone!) and you'll know
that the time is available (excuse number two, gone!). Even if your
friends can't come, you'll at least get a night out on the town.One of the greatest benefits of being a bit of a control freak in this respect is that your friends will know and understand how important they are to you if you take the time and effort to make plans with them. You build up equity, in a sense, in your friendship that will help weather the possible stretches when you just can't get out. When you actually have a chance to see the friends in question, there are a few more things to keep in mind. Be prepared to handle change in your dynamic. When you cross a boundary of adulthood (marriage, childbearing, home ownership, etc.) you have to remember that your friends that haven't gotten there yet may feel a bit as though you've left them behind. Understanding that, and making the effort to acknowledge and bridge the gap is important for both sides.  Try to plan events that let you catch up, but also include a new
activity so that you'll continue building common ground that can
become a reference point. If you've both always liked art, go to an
opening, then talk about it. Your friends can be a welcome respite
from the child-speak shorthand a lot of parents get locked into,
and they can be a real source of intellectual stimulation. Involve your friends in your life as a family. Be sensitive about limits, of course, but don't rely on your child-free friends as a complete escape from being a parent. Parenthood is a part of you, and you should acknowledge that with your friends--just don't force it down their throats. Most child-free people really don't need to know about how many times Junior spit up, though they might be thrilled to hear about his first word. The point is that though you are a parent, for your well-being and for that of your kids, you need to keep a sense of yourself as a whole person, too. In some ways, being a parent means that you've found an all-consuming love more powerful than you could have imagined. Yet especially as your children grow, you may feel a very natural urge to assert yourself as a grown-up person again. Maintaining adult friendships can really help that process. |
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